Origin Stories & Becoming the Mercy I Never Met.

I think my mom & dad might have hated me because they couldn’t understand why they never received that type of love when they were kids. I think they saw me receiving unconditional love and affection & subconsciously they felt like it wasn’t fair. Like all trauma, theirs needed to be seen and felt. It needed to be validated. They must not have been aware of that need and thus couldn’t channel it healthily. The result was me being the emotional and sometimes physical punching bag for their insecurities.

Becoming a parent forces you to confront your childhood. 

I had a similar experience watching my son grow. However, it made me sad for little me and made me realize that while I’m imperfect, I’m far from who I was raised by. It showed me how easy it would have been for the people in my life to show me mercy. It also opened my eyes to things I hadn’t realized weren’t normal in healthy households: I discovered myriad despicable things I’d never say or do to my son that I hadn’t realized until adulthood were cruelties I’d survived. 

It’s a lot easier to forgive someone when you conclude they probably didn’t have any malicious intent. Rather they’re naive, gullible, or even willfully ignorant. Potentially they may not be the brightest crayon in the box either. They’re hurt children in adult bodies. They’re emotionally stunted by their trauma. This doesn’t mean you need to remain in close and consistent contact, but rather to set boundaries that make sense to you in whatever way proves best for your well-being. Even if that shows up as no contact. 

Your healing journey is not theirs and likewise, you aren’t responsible for their healing. It’s a choice they get to choose to make. Much like an addict getting sober: you can’t convince them to want it — cuz honestly, getting clean sucks. It’s something you’re ready and strong enough to face or it’s something you’ll run from until you’re ready to confront it. Some people will never feel ready. Don’t be one of those people. Healing is painful and messy, but it’s worth every ache and obstacle. 

You may see this play out at work, or in friend groups: people will project their perceived inadequacies onto you. If you don’t have mental fortitude you’ll crumble when others laugh & point fingers. If you are making progress, people will pick on you. If you’re picking yourself up after every fall, someone is going to try to trip you. 

Stay focused and mentally strong. I can’t tell you how best to do that for yourself, but I’d encourage you to look into it if it’s hitting home. Maybe take up tennis. Or, therapy lol whatever floats your boat. I’m quite fond of automatic writing after jiu-jitsu. 

Let me know how it goes. 

With love,

Adrienne Dianne.