Love Loosely.

I’ve been told that I throw around the word Love loosely. I haven’t understood the implications of that until today. I will argue that I don’t think it’s good or bad to use the word Love in whatever context is right for you, but I think I might finally understand where these people are coming from.

After class this morning I was reminiscing on our sparring sessions & told myself I love the people I train with. Then acknowledging I’ve never known them off the mat or on a personal level in any way, they probably don’t think about me when they go home ya know. Therefore one could conclude that while they may like me as a training partner, they probably don’t leave class thinking they feel like they love me the way they have love for their friends or siblings, etc

I concluded this must be due to attachment theory: I never knew a real or deep love as a child or even yet as an adult, so when I think I’m feeling love, it’s related to the feeling I would associate love with as a child. Meaning the love I received was surface-level and superficial at best. This might also be why it’s easy for me to fall for toxic relationships. In my brain, it makes sense why someone wouldn’t need more than a couple of weeks to know they’re in love with me and wanna get married and then two weeks later change their mind and ghost me. Because where I come from, that’s how love was offered and revoked: very quick, conditional, & without much forethought. 

I will be spending time journaling about this to delve deeper into who I am and why. I wonder if maybe it does matter when and how you use the Love word. Right now, I’m not sure what I think, but I think that maybe it needs to be earned more than it’s been freely given. I was never taught that Love is to be revered and I believe that reverence includes our relationship to putting love into words and actions. 

Always lead with kindness and compassion. Empathy is a social skill worth developing. If someone isn’t actively mean to you, that doesn’t mean you just offer them your love without first qualifying them. Is that love of yours being reciprocated? If not, where can you draw a boundary? These are lessons I'll ponder over the next few weeks. Please share your thoughts & conclusions with me! 

With love,

Adrienne Dianne.