When Love Isn’t Enough.

I’m convinced that you can love someone and have that love returned and they’d still not be the right one for you. I believe sometimes love doesn’t feel like love — or at least what you think love should feel like. 

It feels like a choice to be loyal and honest and dedicated to your person because y’all trust each other to have each other's backs. 

I don’t believe you always get that with just love. With just love you just have to accept the other person as they are regardless of how they impact your life. If they don’t have a positive impact, the love is a detriment. That love is toxic. It’s draining. It’s a love that depletes. A healthy love nurtures and improves everything it comes into contact with. Hence, love isn’t always enough. In platonic relationships, it’s easy to love and support someone through their decisions because they rarely directly impact you. When you’re in a committed relationship with someone, their actions and lifestyle directly affect you.

I don’t think love is what you think or feel. I think love is what you have to become. Love is a choice. Love is actionable. Love says you can count on me. Love inspires growth. Love supports change. Love does what needs to be done, even when you don’t want to do it because love is reliable and disciplined. Love has integrity. Love offers certainty and dismantles confusion.

I’ve heard that friendship is the foundation of any long-lasting romantic bond. While I agree that it must be a part of the foundation, I think it goes beyond friendship. When was the last time you put hernia ointment on your bestie's rectum? Haha, I did that for my ex-husband a few times. That’s not to say a friendship isn’t developed and nourished, rather it’s to point out how platonic vs romantic relationships differ. I might add if you’re under thirty you might have a closer bond with your friend group & that is normal and healthy, but it is something y’all will grow out of. Eventually, the way you love, support, and nurture others will become more focused as your vision clears. You will see that helping everyone often hurts many of them, including yourself. You’ll learn to love and support certain individuals from a distance while they learn imperative life lessons.

Of course, what I’m speaking about today is anecdotal at best meaning, take what you’ve read and please consider your take on this. Explore a few takes actually lol I believe my dog, Marilyn, may she rest in peace, was my best friend. My future lover, whoever s/he may be, will be so much more than that. & much like with my dog, our love will flow effortlessly. We won’t have to convince each other of our love. We will be aware of and grateful for it. 

Please journal about your relationship with love. Where and how you learned how to give and receive love. What your limits and needs are in love and why. How to set boundaries with your love. & most importantly how to vet the people who will add the most value to your life and what your nonnegotiables are and commit to standing on business.

With love,

Adrienne Dianne.