Mother Dearest.

I was assaulted on August 1st 2023. The District Attorney’s Office decided they were going to press charges against my assailant in June of 2024. It’s now October and I’ve only just informed my best friend who my assailant was. 

I was sixteen the first time I told my mother I had been assaulted. She acted as if I was trying to one-up her on hardships. So, she called me an attention seeking whore. Grounded me & made me take both a drug and pregnancy test. Because only “drug addicts and whores would be this desperate for attention.” A few years after that I had left my (now ex) husband because, confirmed by my therapist, he was abusing me. I told my mom why I was leaving him. Aside from the infidelity, I was fearing for my life. She acted like I made the whole thing up again. That was July 2016. It’s October 2024 and she still invites him over for dinner. 

So, one could imagine that when it came time to inform my best friend that one of his friends had assaulted me, I was apprehensive to share that information with him. I didn’t want to lose my best friend just because someone he cared about chose to hurt me. I decided if not friend, why friend shaped? & I told him the truth. I showed him a video from online court and I was so well-received. It was the most healing experience I’ve ever had, “Miss A, you are one of my most favorite people on this earth. There’s no way this man is allowed to still be part of my friend group. He’s officially not my friend anymore & I’m so sorry somebody I know has done this to you.” 

Who needs a loving, caring mother, when your best friend is old enough to be your dad and inadvertently helps you heal your familial trauma daily? lol I don’t! She recently tried to reconcile with me and her version of an apology was, “we both made mistakes and I know you’re as sorry for your mistakes as I am for the ones I made.” Like actually no, I was, still am, your child, and I did nothing wrong. I have nothing to be sorry about except giving her a second chance to prove that she’s changed. She’s in her 50’s. That woman is never going to change. I’m okay with that. I accept her for who she is. Even though she’d never accept me as I am. However, that doesn’t mean I need to be an active participant in her life. I can choose to love and forgive her while she stays far away from me. 

I believe I’m better off without her in my life. Every time she’s tried to be a part of my life she hurts me and the kicker is she isn’t even trying to hurt me half the time. Sometimes it’s truly just who she is. I can’t fault her for being herself. Some people go their entire lifetimes living and believing lies. I am so grateful to my mother and father for being true to themselves. I’ve never had to wonder who these people were, or how much they do, or do not care. I’ve always known how they feel. Even if I have had to discern the truth from their lies. 

Family doesn’t have to be blood. Family can be whoever offers you love and loyalty. My best friend has been a better person than my own flesh and blood. I am the oldest of three by the way. So, it’s not like my mother just doesn’t know how to mother. She’s got two examples of doing it right. She chooses to be cruel towards me. So, I have chosen to distance myself. I invest my time, energy, and money into the people who truly love me and have my back. Not the people who would burn me at the stake if it meant keeping their fake reputations intact. 

This is your sign to disown your crappy family and replace them with worthy individuals. Your life will improve exponentially. You might not have depression, you might just have bad friends/family.

With love, Adrienne Dianne.