Forgiveness.
I’ve learned that forgiveness is the act of acceptance. That is why it is healing. The definition reads,
Forgive
Verb
stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for (an offense, flaw, or mistake).
cancel (a debt).
Acceptance
Noun
the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered.
It doesn’t excuse the behaviors of others. It says that you take control and own your power when you learn to let go of the harsh emotions that hold you back from being and feeling your best. It’s for your benefit, no one else’s. They don’t even need to be notified that forgiveness has taken place.
This isn’t to say everyone deserves forgiveness. It’s not to say everyone is or should be ready to forgive. I think it’s a delicate subject and you should learn to forgive in a time and manner that’s best for you. But you must learn to forgive, even if now isn’t the time for that.
Resentments are things we hold onto. They inevitably latch onto us and leech into our hearts. But if it’s something we’re holding onto, that means we have the ability to let it go.
Why would we do this? I was tired of blowing up on loved ones over minor perceived slights.
When we refuse to forgive we end up harboring the pain and the anger within ourselves. That crap needs an outlet. It’s going to get out. Unless the outlet is used on your abuser, or whoever slighted you, it’s a destructive misuse of power. It’s cruel to yourself and to others.
I believe forgiveness, or accepting reality for what it is, is the best tool you could use to heal the wounds from the actions of others. It will bring you peace. Peace is a commodity that cannot be bought, but it can be traded with what’s inside your mind.
I’ve recently let go of the resentments towards parents, exes, friends and family. I finally decided this shit was too heavy to carry anymore. Now, it’s not been easy to put this baggage down. I’ve enlisted the help of professionals such as therapists and psychologists. Homeopathic doctors and instinctive approaches. It’s been a journey. A tumultuous journey, but a survival, beneficial one. 10/10 recommend.
Especially if you have trauma like I do.
I wrote a poem about it:
I believe forgiveness is acceptance
not agreement.
not dismissive of reality.
not excusing of behavior.
Forgiveness is the act of holding space for peace.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with them
forgiveness is all about me.
With love,
Adrienne.
